Monday, May 23, 2011

Liberated.


183 days ago, my life changed in a way that will likely last forever. As you long-time readers know, I was diagnosed with a brain met (tumor) as a result of breast cancer. That day, I lost a little freedom. Somehow, I didn't seem quite as invincible as I once had. As it turns out, this body of mine is just a rental. And, it seems more like an economy rental than a luxury version, at this point. :)


On that day, I felt like a senior citizen. As it turns out, being an invalid is no fun. Sure, it's kinda nice to have people wait on you hand and foot, but after about 24 hours, you start asking, "Am I ever going to be able to drive by myself in a quiet car? Am I ever going to be able to stay home alone? Am I ever going to be independent, without 76 people checking on me every single day?"


Now, don't mistake me - I am wonderfully grateful for each of those 76 people who checked on me every day. And, I'm forever indebted to those who toted me around from place to place. And, I love each one who used their time to babysit me.


But, a gal's gotta have some space, some peace and quiet.


Luckily, slowly but surely, I had more and more of my indpendence released to me. I could stay alone. I could drive myself. I could go through my day without numerous checkings-in. I was living normally, again.


But, I still hadn't made the big leap - traveling out of town by myself.


Last Thursday, I had a meeting in the big city of Dallas, and I desperately wanted to go alone. I could do it. It was a right-of-passage. For goodness sakes, I used to travel back and forth to college by myself, and that was 5 hours away. This was a mere 2 hours each way.


So, I did it. I drove there. I drove back. All by my lonesome. It was awesome. As I was coasting back into town, a little weary from a quick trip, my eyes filled with tears. "Precious Jesus who meets all of my needs, thank you for giving me health enough to drive myself. But more than that, thank you for giving me freedom to live in your protection and grace."


Sure, to me, it was a huge blessing to experience the liberation of driving a long distance by myself, but I love the way the Lord used it to remind me of the freedom that I have in Him, alone.


"So if the Son [Jesus] sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36


Live freely today.

9 comments:

Cheech said...

What a sweet time for you!!

Waiting for Bulgaria said...

So happy for you. I can totally relate to needing time alone. Although, I don't know if I could handle driving in Dallas :)

one of nettie's girls said...

Good for you.

Erin said...

Sometimes solitude is such a gift. I hear you. So glad you got to do that!

Kathryn said...

Yay! Happy tears for you. My best quiet time is my moments in my car when I'm alone. Love you and your beautiful, FREE spirit!

Paula said...

Lindsey & Brian,
So happy that on that day, from the time that your feet hit the floor, you were able drive on God's Grace.
What a wonderful day!!

Painting 4 Him said...

So thrilled for you girl!!! So happy that God's faithfulness is shining through in bringing you to wholeness in Him.

Anonymous said...

So glad you had that time. And may God give you many more. As to freedom, as one who has recently been struggling with an attack of fear unlike any I had experienced in a while, I needed the reminder that He came to set me free....from fear, among everything else. Thank you for this reminder!

sophie.piercy said...

I have brain cancer and temporarily lost a lot of mobility and independence after surgery last December. I can completely relate to your feelings of helplessness and never being alone. Luckly, I have my strength and independence back now. I started driving again 2 months after surgery, and it was the most wonderful feeling of freedom. I pray that you are doing well.