Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Refining Fire

"I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God." (Zec 13:9)

It is finished. I made it through my first whole brain radiation treatment. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was quite hard. The familiar faces of the kind technicians called me back to the treatment room. I plopped down on the table, and then they began to stretch my hard mask over my face. This is just a stock photo, but it gives you an idea of the process.

As they secured the mask in place, and I realized that I couldn't open my eyes or mouth, I began to feel quite uncomfortable with the treatment process. Tears stung my eyes. "Oh dear," I thought, "I can't do it. I'm freaking out."

"Okay, I'm kind of freaking out here. Can you take it off for a second?" I begged the sweet technicians. I don't know if they have another title. They are the experts who run the radiation treatments from start to finish. And, the two who work with me are particularly wonderful. What a blessing!

Immediately, they took off the mask and talked me through the process. They were so sweet. I didn't expect that reaction from myself. I expected it to be difficult, but I didn't expect to feel frantic.

After a few minutes of regrouping and reassurance, I said, "Okay, I'm ready." They put the mask back on my face, and I laid with tears streaming down.

"God, I can't do this on my own. I need you. I need your comfort. I need your peace. I need your power," I cried out to the God of the Universe.

Before I knew it, they were headed back into the room and proclaiming, "You did IT! We're done!"

Tears stung my eyes again, and I cried my way out of the building. Some things are just hard. This was one of them. Only because of God's perfect peace was I able to press on. I can't imagine those moments without Him.

As I was thinking about the experience later, I thought, "You know radiation is supposed zap the cancer in my brain. It's supposed to fire away the dangerous cells. It's refining my brain."

God is the same. This whole process is the same. This was not a pleasant experience. It wasn't enjoyable in any sort of way, but I praise God because of the refinement that it's creating in me. When I was laying there on that table, I was a total mess until God stepped in and took over. I was at a total loss. I couldn't do it without Him. I had to acknowledge Him and say, "God, I have FAITH in you and your healing power. I BELIEVE that you are healing me and bringing about total restoration in my body. I TRUST you to grant me divine health and supernatural life because of your power over sickness and disease. Only you can heal me."

Ya'll, I'm just in total awe of God's blessings in my life. He has provided for us beyond our wildest expectations. He's done exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or imagine, and we stand in God-given faith that He IS making me well. Praise Him with me!

Prayers and Praises -

1. Pray for divine health through radiation. And, please pray with me that God would spare my hair. I know it's a small, insignificant thing, but it sure would be nice to keep it! We trust Him to protect me from the yucky side effects of the treatment (fatigue, nausea, hair loss, memory pauses).

2. Pray for us to suffer well for Christ. Pray that we will make much of Him in everything we do. I don't want this process to bring any sort of glory to me or Brian. I can't say enough that we are lowly sinners, saved by His matchless grace. We only want others to see Him through us. Pray that we would be worthy of His calling on our life.

3. Continue to pray for my oncologist (Dr. V) as she seeks input into my case. She and I both acknowledge God as my ultimate healer and her ultimate guide, and we trust Him to guide us on a treatment path.

4. Praise God for the wonderful things that He's done for us. My heart bursts forth in joy because of His perfect care.

(Julie-CA, would you please email me? Thanks!)


Sweet Simplicity said...

Oh sweet girl, I am so glad you were able to take comfort in Him. Praying for you, Brian and Dr. V.

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you!!

Anna said...

I'm so glad you got through your first treatment! Sending prayers to you and your family!

Life and Times . . . said...

Oh Lindsey I'm so glad you found comfort from God but I have to say my heart breaks for you. I pray that you continue to find peace and comfort and that everything goes well.


Anonymous said...

Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing the mountains and the valleys. So often I am guilty of going to Him for the big things and thinking I've got it made in the little and then I panic and turn to Him.

Anonymous said...


Don't mistake the wrapping for the gift.

In prayer,


Julie-CA said...

I just emailed you Lindsey, let me know if you don't get for some reason since I sent it form our yahoo account.

I love that you felt His peace after having such a scary start to the first treatment. I hope it encouraged you for the ones to come. It will be interesting to see what Dr. V and the other oncologists come up with. It is no coincidence your doctor is a believer and that has to be SO encouaging to talk with someone who is in agreement of WHO it is who gived divine healing. I am praying that even more believing doctors will recieve supernatural insight into what it is the Lord is wanting them and you to do.

Whitney said...

Praying always. You did it! Keep on, faithful one!

Elizabeth said...

praying and praying

Alabamamom said...

Always on my heart and in my prayers.

podso said...

Once again you have spoken a wonderful thing about God's intervention ... when you couldn't go another minute on your own, He supplied what you needed. Sure wish this could be easier for you but what grace He is giving you for this time.

Judy Pond said...

The more you endure the brighter God seems to shine through you. You are an amazing woman!

Jehovah Rapha our Lord who heals, the Great I AM, may your name be a strong tower for Lindsey and your healing power flood through her body. It is in your Mighty Name that we ask you to destroy the cancer in her body now and forever. AMEN

Cari said...

So glad you have the first one behind you! Press on, Lindsey. He is with you and we are holding you up in prayer.

EYoung, Washington, D.C. said...

Lindsey, I don't know you, but I love you, my sister-in-Christ. I came across your story recently and I have been praying for you, just absolutely on my knees before the Lord. As I read about your radiation treatment, I cried with you for the fear and tension you must have felt strapped to that table. Like a sacrifice on an altar, I thought. And with that thought also came the realization of the beauty of that picture: a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him. I rejoice with you for the way the Lord delivered you in those moments, and I pray for continued deliverance and refinement. That you will not fear...or anxiously look about you, for He is your God. He will strengthen you, surely He will help you, Surely He will uphold you with His righteous right hand.'