Thursday, November 4, 2010

Caught Off Guard

You know, sometimes we surprise ourselves. I had one of those shocking moments today.

My back, neck, and shoulders have been hurting me - not severely, but significantly. I decided to visit a chiropractor to seek some relief from my discomfort. This morning, I quickly called around, and I was able to find a husband and wife team that was willing to work me in today. I was thrilled!

I waited until my lunch break, and I drove the short commute of 1.5 minutes to get to their office. It's been quite convenient for my school to be located in the medical district of town.

I entered the clinic, and the wife kindly handed me the typical questionnaire to complete. I'd completed the paperwork within 5 minutes, and I returned it to her. She showed me to a room, and asked me to wait a moment.

In a few short minutes, the door opened, and the husband came in. I was surprised, because she had clearly told me on the phone that she would be the one working with me. It didn't bother me, though. When you've had as many doctors work on your body as I have, their gender starts mattering less and less.

He was very friendly and immediately cut to the chase. "I see that you are a breast cancer patient. Talk to me about your current status and treatment."

"Great." I sarcastically thought, "I get to discuss this for the 4037th time. Just what I wanted."

Basically, I gave him the ins and outs of my saga, and he let me know that I needed to be scanned before I could be treated.

I couldn't believe it, and I didn't plan on it, but I could feel that I was having to hold back tears.

Why did this bother me?

Well, I'll tell you. It ALWAYS bothers me when someone indicates that cancer could be the cause of my pain. I mean, for a cancer patient (especially one who's recurred), that's ALWAYS a constant mind battle when any little ache appears.

But, I just didn't expect it from the chiropractor. I expected to go in, get mashed on, feel better, and go on about my day.

I understood his concerns, and his reluctance to treat me. However, I can't deal with any more extraneous scans. I've been scanned and screened more than I can even count, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm not doing it just for grins.

As soon as I got back in the car, I called Brian and said, "He won't treat me, and I'm so upset about it." I couldn't even get through the sentence without my voice shaking from tears.

Brian reassured me that it was just a general practice to receive clearance before treating cancer patients. He reminded me about liabilities and clear PET scans and bone scans and all of those things that should've been sufficient for halting my emotional response. He has always had a way with me. It never fails that I feel frustrated with him at first because he won't indulge my emotions, but then I am so relieved when he finally helps me see truth in the midst of my tears.

So, I'll be trying some other methods to get these kinks worked out. No chiropractor for this girl. Maybe a deep tissue massage. You don't have to be scanned for that, right? :)

In the heat of the moment, I was a mess. This totally caught me off guard and made me think, "I'll NEVER be anything other than a cancer patient!!!"

But now, looking back on it, I realize the insanity of my thought process. Never underestimate Satan. He's lurking around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he can devour. He put up a strong fight to devour me through fear and worry today, but he didn't win. God's just that big.


one of nettie's girls said...

Praying for relief from the "kinks". Love you.

Erin said...

Sorry this was a rattling experience when you were looking for comfort. Perhaps a spa day (including deep tissue massage) is in order. :)

Anonymous said...

You are not a a cancer are a cancer survivor!!! And an inspiration to us all!!

I hope your pains will go away with a massage.

Have a super weekend.

From Kim in Iowa

Painting 4 Him said...

He is that BIG! He will provide you the perfect massager and remove those kinks. Praise God, we know He will do it. Praying for you, honey, that you will continue to recognize his amazing work he is doing in you, for you, and through you.

Melissa said...

I have been reading ur blog. You are an inspiration and don't know it. While I haven't had cancer, my body stopped making hormones-all of them. It took me a yr to find a doctor to help me. I couldn't walk from the couch to the kitchen-and I am a P.E. teacher! Reading your blog and what you went thru encouraged me. I wondered where God was most of the time. I now take natural hormones and herbs. My back gives me trouble and I take a natural herb called Saloxicin. In two days the pain is gone. It is made by Xymogen and in health food stores. Not sure if you can take it with what you take but it is a natural herb. Thanks for your blog and honesty! God is using you!