Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What a difference a day makes...

I just happened to think, as I thumbed through the new breast cancer awareness White House Black Market catalog that came in the mail today, that it's been two years. Two years since I took my first big plunge as a cancer patient. Two years ago, on this very evening, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing baseboards in my living room. Brian and I had just moved back into our newly remodeled (because of a lightning strike) home, and the workers had been a little haphazard when they were grouting the tile floors. There was grout on every still surface.

I think that my nerves had just about had the best of me, and I didn't know what else to do, except clean. I clean when I'm stressed to the max. I clean anyway, but I really clean then. It was the night before my big, long surgery to remove my breasts and begin the reconstruction process. We didn't know what they would find during surgery. We didn't know what I would look like. We didn't know what the recovery would be like. But, we knew that it would be okay.

Sometimes, I think back to those days. My poor marriage was SO young, in so many ways. Our home was a mess from having to move out and back in during that time. It's a fog. Really, it is. I can barely remember a lot of it. I remember that Brian proved his "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" pledge better than any man on this earth. I remember that he stayed by my side and cared for me in ways no man should ever have to care for his wife. I remember feeling so loved by him, in the midst of utter turmoil everywhere else. He was my security. And, I was a basket case when I wasn't with him.

It just makes me constantly remember how HUGE our God is and how small we are. At the time, all of those things seemed like insurmountable hurdles. But, in the grand scheme of things, they were nothing. With Him, they were nothing. There were hard days, bad moments, scary times, and tense situations. But, looking back, it passed, and we're fine.

Oh, if we could just approach the Lord with blind trust that He has it ALL under control, we could save ourselves a lot of heartache. Because, He does. Whether we believe it or recognize it or acknowledge it, He does.


elizabeth said...

i'm so happy that you are doing so well. thank you for reminding me today that God is in complete control.

one of nettie's girls said...

When I read about those days I am always moved by Brian's role in your journey. What an awesome God we have! He knew you would need someone strong who was just for you. Someone who would focus completely on what you needed. It amazes me that you already had that person in your life. There is no doubt that God placed you together. Isn't it wonderful to be two years out from the insanity and be able to see God's hand? Love you.

Anonymous said...

Two years of faith, love and determination - wow - I am so happy you are so strong today!!!!! You are such an inspiration to us all :-)

Have a super day and weekend.

- Kim in Iowa