I think that my nerves had just about had the best of me, and I didn't know what else to do, except clean. I clean when I'm stressed to the max. I clean anyway, but I really clean then. It was the night before my big, long surgery to remove my breasts and begin the reconstruction process. We didn't know what they would find during surgery. We didn't know what I would look like. We didn't know what the recovery would be like. But, we knew that it would be okay.
Sometimes, I think back to those days. My poor marriage was SO young, in so many ways. Our home was a mess from having to move out and back in during that time. It's a fog. Really, it is. I can barely remember a lot of it. I remember that Brian proved his "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" pledge better than any man on this earth. I remember that he stayed by my side and cared for me in ways no man should ever have to care for his wife. I remember feeling so loved by him, in the midst of utter turmoil everywhere else. He was my security. And, I was a basket case when I wasn't with him.
It just makes me constantly remember how HUGE our God is and how small we are. At the time, all of those things seemed like insurmountable hurdles. But, in the grand scheme of things, they were nothing. With Him, they were nothing. There were hard days, bad moments, scary times, and tense situations. But, looking back, it passed, and we're fine.
Oh, if we could just approach the Lord with blind trust that He has it ALL under control, we could save ourselves a lot of heartache. Because, He does. Whether we believe it or recognize it or acknowledge it, He does.