Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Seasons

Good Evening, Friends,

Whew! I'm pooped. Today was a long day. It's a lot of work to close out a school year. The packing, the purging, the paperwork. They all seem to be endless. But, the truth is, when Friday rolls around, I'll be ready to go. In fact, I left today thinking that I am just about ready.

This is my 5th year to teach, and I've got this end-of-the-year thing down to a science. And, it's not stressful. Thank goodness. I just don't know what I'd do if my job was stressful. I rarely think about my job when I'm not at work. Brian and I don't really talk about our jobs much. Certainly, if something big happens we discuss it, but we mostly like to leave work at work.

I remember back to the beginning of this year. Personally, we had a lot on our plate, and the beginning of the year is always a challenge, so I pretty much was a drag to live with. I love my husband. He finally said, "I don't want to see one more school thing at home. I want you to go to work when you have to, and not early. And, I want you to leave as soon as you can, and not late. I want you to be my wife, not a perpetual elementary teacher." So, that's what I did, and I still do. And, I'm much happier because of it.

See, this is how I know that elementary teaching is not my calling. I get so worked up when I have to stay a second late, because it's a second that is taken from my family. I have no desire to improve my skills, and I would certainly never give any free time to do so. I just can't understand the types who willingly attend countless trainings and seminars in the summer months. This is complete lunacy to me. But to them, well, it's their calling. Maybe it's not the best fit for me, but you know what? It's what I do right now. The Lord has me in this field for this season of my life, so I'll ride out the insurance coverage until He leads me elsewhere :)

You know what's so interesting about all of this? It hasn't always been this way. I started out with great motivation to be the best elementary teacher in all of the land. In those days, I did willingly give my free time to learn more and sharpen my skills. I dreamed about new and improved methods for teaching reading fluency and comprehension. I brainstormed ways to motivate children and add value to their little personalities. Not so anymore.

What once inspired me, now doesn't even begin to pique my interest. What once seemed to be a profession, is now a job.

At first I felt like a failure when I realized this. I wondered why I couldn't be like all those other wonderful educators who could stare at test results and curriculum guides for hours on end, all the while enjoying themselves. I wondered why I wouldn't even consider giving up a Saturday morning to tutor a child.

But then I realized something. I recognized God's hand in all of this. As a woman who is desperately seeking the Lord because He's all that I've got, I see that He is transforming my heart and desires to match His heart and desires. This kind of goes back to that motherhood post. The Lord knew that I wouldn't be able to bear children, so He has removed my interest in children. This might be temporary, or it might be permanent. I can't be concerned with that.

Perhaps I'm over-sharing tonight. It's just what's on my mind. It was interesting for me to read your replies to Calling. I agree with you all that a calling doesn't have to be glamorous, but I do think it should be evident. I don't want to wake up when I'm 65 and think, "Hmmm. I wonder what the Lord has called me to do?" In Philippians 3:13, the Bible is very clear about doing "one thing".

I could talk about this for days on end. But, I won't. I think my main point is simply, I want to trust God with my life - all of it. Every single ounce of it. I don't want to make a single move that is outside of His will for me. Brian has said to me several times, "Lindsey, we're not going to trust God with some things and not with others." He's wise, and he's right. I believe in God's goodness. Do you?

7 comments:

k_stin said...

I commented on your "Calling" post, too. I know exactly what you are saying here. I am a teacher, too. Right now, I'm kind of just staying here until God shows me the next step, but I'm pretty sure there is a next step, cause I feel a lot of the same way you do.

I kind of want my ministry and my job to be the same. I feel like right now, I have a full-time job, but it's not where my heart (or my calling?) is, so I feel like my life is divided between making money and serving the Lord, but I want them to be the same. Tonight, I saw a position open in kind of the area I want to move towards and I got excited. I never really get excited about my current job too much.

Anonymous said...

Calling....that's a topic for endless discussion. The chief end of man is "to glorify God and enjoy him forever", according to the New England Primer. As you have stated so eloquently, our calling is to be who God wants us to be wherever we are today.

I'm reminded of Moses who spent 40 years in Egypt, then 40 years in the wilderness in order to be prepared for what seems to us to be the most important 40 years of leading the children of God.

It's good that we are not the one who numbers our days and orders our steps. We would surely do things differently, wouldn't we?

In the meantime, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Eccl. 9:10a

Julie-CA said...

Whole-heartedly. =)

I'd just like to encourage you to make the most of every opportunity with the children the Lord has entrusted you with. If you dwell on your disinterest in the children/job you are doing, it will definately soon, if it hasn't already, begin showing to them. If your heart is somewhere else, believe me, they will notice. So keep on smiling at them, keep on meditating on all the things you DO LIKE about teaching those children and keep on encouraging other teachers in your midst to be the best stewards they can be of this oh-so-important task and as a result, I believe it will help you thrive during this season of life you are in and not just kind of "exist." Make sense? Hope that came accross right. My desire is to encourage you and I hope I did just that.

Paula said...

Brian & Lindsey,
I relate your teaching to what we told, and still tell, our sweet daughter about her living in a baby house in Russia for the first four years of her life. You were exactly where God wanted you to be until He had something better for you. You are a caring, detailed, beautiful teacher to your class while you are waiting on God's next calling. You are where He wants you to be right now.

As for your post yesterday, I was amazed at how God puts you in my life for confirmation on certain things. I had made my signature first aid kits for the graduates this year and I always try to find just the right verse for the boys and just the right verse for the girls. Of course, Proverbs 31:30 was what I used for the girls. I just love to see that verse. A friend of mine and I got locker mirrors, when our middle son was a senior and painted the senior girls name and wrote out that verse so that it would be the first thing that they saw when they opened their lockers. I had forgotten about that until I came across that verse the other day. We explained to them that with all of the pressures of the world, that this really was the kind of woman that a godly man would look for.
Thank you for the pictures. I love it when you share bits of your life with us.
Stormin His Throne on your behalf!
The Chaffin's

Julie-CA said...

By the way, I just wanted to let you know that I have decided to significantly cut back on my computer time, as I feel what can be a good thing, for me has become a distraction and a hinderance to my goal of good time management. I'll come visit pleasant-drive again in about a month or so and see how you are. Hope your summer starts off wonderfully and that you spend many precious moments in communion with our Lord.

Anonymous said...

I have to be honest and say that all of us work for a pay check with out a doubt. But, when it comes to teaching and children, I really think if you don't have your heart in it, then it's just not fair to the kids - it's not just the boss or the company. It's children, who need a teacher who wants to be there and teach.

Anonymous said...

I'd first like to say thank you for your honesty in this post.
I'd like to hope that you would want honesty in comments as well. This post makes me so sad. I am a teacher who loves my job. I have been teaching 5 years as well. I also have a 2 year old. Now that I share dual roles, my time allotted to work has changed but my heart has not.
I find it offensive as a teacher that you are simply riding it out for insurance. I too agree that the kids probably feel your disinterest.
To be totally honest, I would not want my child in a classroom where the teacher herslef did not want to be.
I hope that sharing my thoughts will not be met with a flurry of negative comments.
I am not trying to be offensive. I really enjoy your blog, and love your transparency.