I hope that you all have gotten a tight hold on the week. I sure have! Today was a very busy day, but it was good. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I get a lot done on Mondays. Maybe it's because I start each week with a weekly to-do list, and when I'm able to knock off half of the tasks on day one, I'm feeling pretty good about things!
I'm trying something new. You see, we go to the grocery store pretty much every weekend, save a few here and there. I never make a list, and I never plan out what we're going to eat for meals that week. I just always get the things that we use - gobs of fresh veggies and fruit, dairy products, chicken, and rice. I mean, I get a few other things, but this is basically it. Then, we create meals during the week with these ingredients. But, this week I came up with a weekly menu before I went to the store. I'm finally learning how to navigate the gluten-free, sugar-free, all organic world. Then tonight, I already knew what I was going to make, so it made dinner seem so much less daunting. (I made salmon croquettes, garden salad, and roasted asparagus by the way. Then, we chased it with flourless, sugar-free brownies.) It was a huge success! I'm thinking there might be something to meal planning. I go through phases. Hopefully this one will last.
School is getting down to the nitty gritty. It's at that point in the school year when I am absolutely the most tired that I can imagine, yet the children are the most wired that you can imagine. It makes for quite the combination.
Luckily, every day when I get home from school, I immediately go to the courtyard for a little R&R. Sun exposure is a necessity for a healthy body, so I always do my best to get in at least 20 minutes a day. Today, I grabbed my Bible and read my way through Colossians. Something struck me today as I read it. It's a letter from Paul when he was in prison. He was full of wisdom and boldness, as he, himself, was in captivity. Isn't that interesting? The Lord reminded me through this example, that our circumstances do not define His ability to use us. He is able to use us, regardless of how grim things seem, and sometimes especially when things seem grim.
One of the biggest items on my agenda this week is my oncology appointment on Friday. I haven't seen my oncologist since before radiation began. In the beginning of this whole process, IV chemo was the next thing on my list of treatments. I need your prayers for this. I know that I've hashed this out over and over and over again, but I'm still not at peace about this situation.
One the one hand, I see the "let's throw everything that we have at this cancer" mentality. The recurring theme among doctors is that I'm young, and therefore able to withstand any and all treatment. I also understand that I tolerated chemo very well last time. I get all of this.
But, on the other hand, I don't want the chemo to kill me. That's brutally honest, I know. In the span of 20 months, we have put my body through the ringer. I've had both breasts removed, both ovaries removed, both breasts reconstructed twice, all my left lymph nodes removed, 6 rounds of IV chemo, 4 rounds of oral chemo, 1 year of targeted therapy, 25 rounds of radiation, my estrogen blocked, and a partridge in a pear tree. You get the point. This body has been through a lot, so I'm not chomping at the bit to put it through more. Especially when I'm not convinced that it will work this time either. Especially when I've done so much already. Especially when I feel so good. I don't want to lose my health, and chemo can cause a person to do that.
So, more than anything, I need your prayers. Pray for the Lord to make his treatment plan abundantly clear. We've prayed for this before, but I'm entertaining confusion again. Pray for God's perfection. Pray for total agreement. Pray for wisdom for my doctors.
Thanks for allowing me to be transparent in my thoughts tonight. You all are my therapy.
I love you.