Anyway, back to the story at hand. I was chatting with Brian this afternoon, and we were going back and forth with little tidbits of conversation. But, the one thing that continually has been on my mind these last few days is my next phase of treatment. I can't help but dread, with every fiber of my being, the IV chemo that is due me in about 6 weeks or so.
Here are the facts:
1. I feel terrific (considering)!
2. My body has been through a lot in the last 3 months (3 surgeries, 2.5 rounds of chemo, and now radiation).
3. How do I know that it will work this time? Because it didn't last time, and it sure is a lot of yuck if it doesn't work.
Anyway, these are the thoughts that continually run through my mind as I consider what's next for me. As we were chatting, I just kept whining to Brian, "I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna feel bad. I don't wanna get any worse than I already am. I don't wanna get worse to get healthy. I don't wanna lose my hair - AGAIN!" I mean, ya'll, this griping and complaining went on for a good 5 minutes or so.
Then, I thought to myself, "Stop! Your negativity has no value. It serves no purpose."
Brian said, "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Today, just worry about today. You are getting ahead of yourself."
And, you know what? I was. I don't have to deal with any of that nastiness today. Today, I only have to deal with today.
I can't help but think about Matthew 6:33-34, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Ya'll negativity has no place in our lives. In most cases, I just refuse to accept it or participate in it, but today was an exception. I gave in to the temptation to look further into the future than the Lord has allowed me to see.
So, what can we do when we are feeling more like Negative Nancy than Positive Polly? We can seek God, and he'll take care of the rest. Negativity usually stems from either getting something we don't deserve or not getting something we feel that we do deserve. Either way, it is not God's best for me. And, it isn't for you either.
It has always made me want to drive straight up a tree when people tell me, "Don't worry" or "Don't stress out." For years I thought, "As if I have the ability to just stop my stress right here and now. How can you just stop worrying?"
Well, folks, I was wrong in my thinking. We DO have the divine ability to halt our stress and worry because God has the ability to take it upon himself. Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.