Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Negative Nancy

Ya'll, I have a confession to make. Today, I let the world get the best of me, and I just became the MOST negative person that you can imagine. It is not too often that I sit and dwell on my circumstances. That is not to say that I don't look for the lesson in them. I certainly do that on a regular basis. I don't want to miss it. Missing God's lessons is just simply not an option for me.

Anyway, back to the story at hand. I was chatting with Brian this afternoon, and we were going back and forth with little tidbits of conversation. But, the one thing that continually has been on my mind these last few days is my next phase of treatment. I can't help but dread, with every fiber of my being, the IV chemo that is due me in about 6 weeks or so.

Here are the facts:

1. I feel terrific (considering)!
2. My body has been through a lot in the last 3 months (3 surgeries, 2.5 rounds of chemo, and now radiation).
3. How do I know that it will work this time? Because it didn't last time, and it sure is a lot of yuck if it doesn't work.

Anyway, these are the thoughts that continually run through my mind as I consider what's next for me. As we were chatting, I just kept whining to Brian, "I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna feel bad. I don't wanna get any worse than I already am. I don't wanna get worse to get healthy. I don't wanna lose my hair - AGAIN!" I mean, ya'll, this griping and complaining went on for a good 5 minutes or so.

Then, I thought to myself, "Stop! Your negativity has no value. It serves no purpose."

Brian said, "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Today, just worry about today. You are getting ahead of yourself."

And, you know what? I was. I don't have to deal with any of that nastiness today. Today, I only have to deal with today.

I can't help but think about Matthew 6:33-34, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Ya'll negativity has no place in our lives. In most cases, I just refuse to accept it or participate in it, but today was an exception. I gave in to the temptation to look further into the future than the Lord has allowed me to see.

So, what can we do when we are feeling more like Negative Nancy than Positive Polly? We can seek God, and he'll take care of the rest. Negativity usually stems from either getting something we don't deserve or not getting something we feel that we do deserve. Either way, it is not God's best for me. And, it isn't for you either.

It has always made me want to drive straight up a tree when people tell me, "Don't worry" or "Don't stress out." For years I thought, "As if I have the ability to just stop my stress right here and now. How can you just stop worrying?"

Well, folks, I was wrong in my thinking. We DO have the divine ability to halt our stress and worry because God has the ability to take it upon himself. Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.


one of nettie's girls said...

Although I have never faced the things you are facing, I have been a worrier. I like this quote:

"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there."

We sometimes forget that there is no place we can go that He isn't waiting for us.

Julie-CA said...

Beautifully written Lindsey. Full of truth and encouragement as usual. Thank you. :)

Anonymous said...

i'm praying for you

Rachel said...

We don't know each other, but I stumbled upon your blog through a childhood friend. Just wanted you to know that I've been praying for you. You're so encouraging! Thank you for letting God use you, and letting His light shine through you.

Erin said...

Mmm, such a good reminder to give over our worries. It feels like control to hold on to worry, but really...what does it accomplish? Nothing for me, anyway. Thanks for the reminder, friend. Prayers for you.

Julie Adams Gray said...

This post begs a question from me... I have felt in the past three weeks with such a busy schedule at work and life I have felt God teaching me to stop being so negative... And I began wondering if there are any true verses that teach us to be positive? I know there are ones that say be joyful in all circumstances... I guess I should dive a little deeper to find these verses.

Suzanne Moore said...

Lindsey, I can so relate to your post. Although different circumstances, I remember feeling this way before my second reconsruction surgery...I am usually positive but I down right did not want to do it. I knew it was part of the process and had to follow through. God so gently reminded me of Jesus in the garden asking to pass this cup from me...and it just so happened that we had the Lord's supper near my surgery, when I held that glass and that small square of bread, my heart melted. I remember saying to the Lord, you did it and I can do this too. He promises to be with us. I certainly don't want you to have to do it again, as one of my fellow chemo buddies said (a man) "this is not for sissies!!" I do believe God allows us to expose any hardships, to bring them to the surface so he can purify us even more. And you were able to share it also with your most trusted companion, your husband. I am praying for your radiation treatments, I know I will think of you as I go to the cancer center tomorrow...I have two herceptin treatments left. "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." Colossians 4:2. Blessings my friend, Suzanne Moore

Alabamamom said...

Thank you for your words of truth and wisdom in this post. It is so good to be reminded that negativity and worry don't accomplish anything good. In fact I know from personal experience that they can have a direct impact on our health. I love the verse that says,"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee".

Norma said...

Wonderfully written Lindsey! It is so true that worry gets us nowhere. I want to also tell you not to beat up on yourself too much - it's okay to express yourself and the dislike of having to do something. Even Jesus did that in the Garden. I think it's even good for us to express it - the trick is getting to the "nevertheless" part. If we continue in the "I don't wanna!!" stage, then it becomes a problem. Allow yourself some time to be human, and then give it to God saying "nevertheless...not my will but Thine". BIG BIG HUGZ

Paula said...

Brian and Lindsey,
God is amazing! I'm a couple of days behind and am just reading your last three days. But, in the meantime, that is exactly what God has impressed upon me to pray for you. I count down every day of radiation for you and pray for no swelling or complications. He has been so faithful to you both.
Brian is such a balance when things, such as attitude or fear, get out of whack. You are so blessed to have him.

I had forgotten that you would have to have the IV chemo after all of this. When I was reading it, I was thinking maybe she will be out of school and get to rest and do her chemo. That obviously is not the case. You will actually be ending your school year close to ending your chemo. For that I will pray. You will need strength to get to that end and then, summer, a time of rest.
I know the side affects are yukky and you don't want to do it, God obviously does. He gave you the best doctors that love and care for you and He also gave them this knowledge.
For what it's worth, I did my chemo at home, I worried about being done by the time the kids got home from school so I just set it up for home. It made it easier and I was so much more relaxed.
We are praying for strength, mentally and physically for you both. We also have been praying for Brian as he struggles with his own issues.
We continue to "Storm His Throne" on your behalf.
We love you guys.
The Chaffin's

Suzanne Moore said...

Lindsey, Praying for you today. thanks so much for your prayers. My treatment went well and I was pleased that one of my fellow "chemo friends" was a 38 year old. It seems like I am usually the youngest person there, she like you, is going through a recurrence from HER2+ (I assume yours was if you took Herceptin???) I know God put her there with me yesterday, my usual friends were in another room. Her attitude was just as yours-POSITIVE. Anyway, know that I am drawing much inspiration from you-I got a juicer last year for Mother's day (my request) and have used it more the past month or so. I tried my first all veggie juice, as a southerner this is what I say to you "bless your heart". Ha! that was a little harder to get down than when I put apples/fruits in it. However, I am determined to continue... So I commend you and thanks for sharing how you are doing it! I encourage you to keep writing, I know what it's like to have "blog block" where you want to, you need to for you but you grow tired and then the enemy starts his games of "why do this, blah blah blah", surely take a break it need be, but know that it is not in vain, God is using your story to empower others in whatever walk their in life. Keep up the good fight of faith...I hope your weekend is a mixture of productivity, maybe an extra surge of energy to clean the house so you can relax and rest ! Do you have out some cute Easter stuff? I laughed when I read some of your blogs talking about how much you love holiday decor...that too is so down my alley! I pray the radiation is an easy one today. Much love and blessings, Suzanne Moore

suzanne Moore said...

Hey Lindsey, Praying for you this morning as you are corporately worshipping our KING! It's my most favorite time of the week, hasnt always been that way but it is now, praise to Him. I am doing a Beth Moore Bible study on my own (miss the videos though) "Stepping Up" and wanted to share Psalm 123 with you as an encouragemt that God truly will provide you mercy, chills as I write that word to you. The psalmist is basically saying "I have had enough Lord". Have mercy on me, I am tired, but I will keep my eyes locked on your eyes, over and over I ask for mercy and you will overcome all this contempt (disrespect is it's root she says). These are my rendition of it, but Hold on girl, you are being made into His likeness for sure! Have a wonderful Sunday. I am praying for peace and at the same time an uprising in your Spirit to let God do all you are faced with....You are a jewel, I love your tenacity and authentic writing! Keep it up. Much love, Suzanne Moore

JoJo said...

You are only feeling what is natural....you are not negative sweet one, just concerned. I have had you on my heart for several days and so look forward to sharing with you Personally soon. You are such an inspiration to all who know you and I thank you for allowing me to "walk" with you. Much love....