Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I Cried (almost)

Well, my day is winding down, so I thought I'd take just a few minutes and document the day's events.

I have about a 25-minute commute to work each morning. I always look forward to this time after the busy rush of getting ready to walk out the door. My car is always nice and warm, and the seats are nice and warm because Brian usually starts it for me, so that it can be warming up. What a gentleman!

On my way, I always listen to a praise and worship CD. I have a few that I go back and forth between, depending on my mood and preferences for that particular day. But, i just love the way that this sets my mind on the right track. I have a time of Bible study and prayer before I leave, but this is a perfect opportunity to engage in full-on worship. Anyway, back to today. I drove down the hill and out of our neighborhood. It was still dark, except for some faint yellow and pink shades in the very tip top of the sky. And, some of the roads that I travel on are notorious for deer. Many people have feeders, so they just love our area. Plus, there are lots of lakes and rivers and creeks around, and I think that might attract them, too. Anyway, since I hit a deer around Thanksgiving, I am always cautious of hitting another. I usually white knuckle my way down the road when it is dark outside. So, as I was driving along with a death grip on my steering wheel, this one particular song began to play. Perhaps you know it. It's called "In Christ Alone". My version was by Travis Cottrell. Anyway, the whole song builds and builds from a nice little melody to a powerful anthem of proclamation. The last verse goes like this:

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
‘Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

Ya'll, I bet I listened to this verse 5 times before I was sufficiently satisfied. I just kept singing that one part "From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus COMMANDS my destiny." You know, for me, some songs just have that anointing from the Lord. They are inspired lyrics, meant for God's purposes. This is one of those songs. Jesus commands my destiny. It is not, and has never been, the other way around. By the time the song was finished, I was pouring tears, rejoicing because God, alone, is in control of me. He always has been, and He always will be. And, he commands your life, too.

Then, the day proceeded as usual until I was walking out of my classroom to head to the cancer institute for radiation. Tears started stinging my eyes, and my heart began to feel a little heavy as I moved closer and closer to my car. I did NOT want to go. Though I definitely wanted to get this started, I just didn't want to do it, at all. Right then, I just said in my head, "Satan, you can't have this. This is the Lord's." The peace of God washed over me, and I was fine. I went to the cancer institute, changed into my beautiful gown, laid on the table, and let them mark me, measure me, and zap me for almost an hour. It was uncomfortable, but it wasn't worrisome or stressful. So, this will be my routine for the next 29 consecutive weekdays. I can handle this, for I am covered with the power of God.

Well, I can hear Vito (our bulldog) and Brian snoring in the bed in the next room, so I guess I better wrap this up for tonight. I'm breathing a sigh of relief this evening as I realize that this radiation thing is not so bad. Or maybe it's just that God is really that good. I think I'll go with the latter.


April said...

I love love love that song. It almost always makes me cry.

I'm glad that God gave you peace during your treatment today. Praying He will continue to do so for the next 29 days.

Anonymous said...

Love that song! Its words are so powerful, and SO TRUE!

one of nettie's girls said...

I love how God uses something that is familiar to speak to us in a whole new way-JUST when we need it the most. He really does do more than we can ask or think or imagine. He loves you that much. Praying for peace during each treatment. May He give you a special measure of His grace every day as you lie on that table.

Leslie said...

I love how God does that. I have just been reading in my Esther study how God turns what Satan means to harm us and instead gives us a delightful inheritance and that that is our destiny. How the day meant for the Jews destruction & plundering actually later turned into joy and feasting and giving of gifts. Thank you again for sharing...I shared with my Wednesday night Bible Study group of youth that you were truly an example of how to walk through a trial...Our lesson was on James 1 abou considering itpure joy. Thank you for glorifying God so honestly through this process...much love and blessed mornings of praise as you drive to work...

Emily said...

I'm with you Lindsey, even though some things we have endured are "that bad"........that's okay....cause God IS that good-HALLELUJAH!And it's because of His GOODNESS that we continue to endure. Keep that head up-you are such an inspiration to the rest of us!

Julie-CA said...

That is such a powerful song.

Paula said...

Brian and Lindsey,
I sang the song while I was reading your blog. I came across a verse today that made me think of your faith. Psalms 34:1 I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
Lindsey, this is so you! I know it's not easy every day, but it is so you!!!
Brian, I hope that you are feeling better.
Stormin' His Throne on your behalf!! We love you guys!
The Chaffin's

Norma said...

That is such a powerful song! Love it! This post brought tears to my eyes as I was immediately transported back to a year ago - going through the exact same thing - i did NOT wanna go!!!! But God met me there every time, as His Word says...He goes before us! I know He is doing the same for you.

Your positive attitude makes all the difference. Just think of it as "extra sunshine". And..Reward yourself girlfriend....every day!! It won't be long til you are ringing that bell!

Amy said...

WOW!! Thinking of you in your car, with you and God sitting in your car listening to the very powerful and real words of this song, made me cry-almost too!! Music has such a wonderful way of ministering to our soul. Thank you for sharing this blessed experience.

Amber26 said...

1 Pet 5:7 Let the Lord have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Sending love to you from across the world.

Peace, prayers, and blessings!

Whitney said...

This is my FAVORITE song and exactly the part you mentioned is the part that always makes me cry. I LOVE that verse. :) So powerful.