Well tonight, I'm particularly aware of my sin nature, as I sit perched atop the landing of the stairs working away at the computer station, while Brian slaves away in the kitchen to clean it to my liking.
Let me give you a rundown since I got home from work. I always park my car quickly and run into the house to let the dogs out, not even grabbing my things from work. You see, the dogs watch out the window to see when we get home. And, sometimes Wally gets so excited that he simply can't hold it any longer. Thus, it is of utmost importance to hurry to his rescue to let him out. Today, I completed that routine, and as soon as I went into the garage where the dogs were crated, I smelled the distinct odor that can only come from a soiled dog crate. My countenance immediate dropped, and I could feel my blood starting to heat rapidly to a boil. After a second, I had traced the problem to Wally's crate. And, I'll spare you the gory details, but please know that this was no minor mess. This was a major catastrophe. The crate had to be cleaned, the dog had to be cleaned, and the other dogs still had to be let out and fed and let out again. I left the dogs alone for no more than a couple of minutes, and when I returned to the garage, Wally was making a snack out of the wall.
Almost an hour later, I had completed the tasks, all except for bathing Wally. He was banished to the outdoors until Brian got home to rescue him from my threats.
This did not set the stage well for the evening. All I wanted to do after a long day was to sit down and rest when I got home, but the dogs had other plans. Of course, every time the dogs make me mad, which is more and more regular these days, I somehow manage to blame their existence on Brian, as if their maddening ways are his fault.
Then, when Brian got home we knew that we needed to go for a walk. We have read over and over and over that exercise is the single best thing you can do for your health, so we are really trying hard to go for a walk every single day. By the time we got home it was dark, and we still hadn't eaten dinner.
So, I whipped up some buckwheat pancakes (made with only allowable foods) and eggs scrambled with peppers, onions, garlic, and spinach. By the time I sat down to eat, I was exhausted, not wanting to move a single muscle.
But, I canNOT shut my brain off. I have a list of thank you notes to write that is a mile and a half long. And, I know all the rules about etiquette and about how you should send a thank you note within a week of receipt, and I usually do, but not this time. I'm behind. I do a few here and there, but I just can't seem to get them completed. And, that in no way is a reflection of how touched I've been by the thoughtfulness and generosity of so many. And, I need to do laundry. We have a laundry chute that drops into a cabinet in the laundry room, and the cabinet is so full that the door is starting to be forced open by the mounds of dirty clothes. I usually do laundry every week, but since we were out of town this weekend, I didn't do it. And, I still haven't unpacked our suitcase from this past weekend. And, our bathroom is in need of a deep cleaning. And. And. And.
At all times, I have a to-do list with at least 20 things on it. In some ways this makes me efficient and hardworking, but in many more ways it makes me stressed and exhausted and unable to relax. I hate this about myself, and Brian's not particularly fond of this trait either, and I don't blame him. I never saw this problem before I was married, but now it is glaringly obvious, and it stares me in the face each and every day. It's a personality flaw, and it desperately needs some tweaking.
I do appreciate the realization of things like this because it reminds me of how unlike Christ I am. It reminds me that I have a lot of learning to do if I am ever to display godly character to the fullest. More than anything I want to be like Him, and I want others to see Him when they see me. I'm afraid that, all too often, they see a crazy woman flitting around from one unimportant task to the next, and I might even have tears in my eyes because of my sheer exhaustion, but I can't seem to find rest until those monotonous chores are complete. So tonight, my biggest prayer is that the Lord would teach me how to rest, knowing that the only things that truly matter are my love for Him and my love for others. Everything else is fleeting.