Sunday, January 31, 2010


As far as my mind can remember, the week of my first surgery this year was the hardest week of my life. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that finding out that my cancer was so advanced was an easy thing. It absolutely was NOT. It was awful, and my brain continually reeled with the what-ifs. I kept thinking, "Okay, God, if my days are done here, that's fine. But what about Brian? What's going to happen to him? And, what about my family?" I continually played through the scenario and convinced myself that God loved them more than I loved them, and that He would take care of them. Still, though, these days were agony. Pure torture for me, as I worried my way through the hours.

Finally, I remember laying on my face before God and telling Him that I could not live like that. Slowly, the more that I poured my heart out to the Lord, the more peace came over me. At last, I was able to walk through the day, rejoicing in the Lord. A total transformation.

Then, today as I was doing chores around the house I came across a pamphlet from the cancer center, and I thought, "Oh yeah. I have cancer." I smiled a little smile and praised God for keeping me in perfect peace. Cancer hasn't gotten much of my time this weekend, and it has been wonderful.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Today, I know that it is God's will for me to endure this trial, so that I might become more like Him. He has renewed my mind.


Anonymous said...

Reminder from God:

“Courage. Courage. Courage. Fear nothing. Rejoice even in the darkest place.”

Fear will tell you how it is, but fear doesn't know. Fear lies. Only love knows the truth.

In prayer,


Anonymous said...

Praise be to God for the peace and courage you have. I am praying for you.

one of nettie's girls said...

"You will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is steadfast, because she trusts in you."

Peace, peace, wonderful peace
Coming down from the Father above!Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray
In fathomless billows of love!

Anonymous said...

I will continue to pray for peace!
This was GREAT to read

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being real. Praying...

Alabamamom said...

I agree with all these wonderful sisters in the Lord. Another song is "I've got peace like a river, I've got peace like a river, I've got peace like a river in my soul. I've got peace like a river, I've got peace like a river, I've got peace like a river in my soul".
Rejoicing with you.

keely said...

Though we've never met, you were (honestly) the first thing that popped into my head this morning, so I started the day in prayer for you.

podso said...

Thanks for such honest posts and sharing your heart to help us know you better. Peace is such a wonderful thing, and without it, life can be so unbearable. It's there for our asking and I'm so thankful God has filled you with His perfect peace and a good focus.