Finally, I remember laying on my face before God and telling Him that I could not live like that. Slowly, the more that I poured my heart out to the Lord, the more peace came over me. At last, I was able to walk through the day, rejoicing in the Lord. A total transformation.
Then, today as I was doing chores around the house I came across a pamphlet from the cancer center, and I thought, "Oh yeah. I have cancer." I smiled a little smile and praised God for keeping me in perfect peace. Cancer hasn't gotten much of my time this weekend, and it has been wonderful.
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Today, I know that it is God's will for me to endure this trial, so that I might become more like Him. He has renewed my mind.