Monday, January 4, 2010

It has been decided.

Do you see that period after this post's title. Isn't a period a comforting thing? It's closure. Finality. A chance to take a breather before biting off the next commitment.

Well, in many ways, today brought some closure for me. And, I don't believe that it is a coincidence, at all, but rather that it is the result of so many prayer warriors lifting up my specific burdens to the Lord. There is power in praying specifically. Don't ever let someone convince you otherwise. They are wrong, and I don't mind if you tell them that I said so :)

This morning was a strange one. I wasn't anticipating a difficult day, but it happened. For 2 1/2 weeks, I have had my precious husband by my side constantly. We've been inseparable, and when I would start losing my cool or worrying too much, Brian has been quick to get me back on track. I'm comfortable with him and I know that I can be truly authentic with him. That's a treasure that I hold very dear.

Well, this morning, as I was driving alone in my car (which I haven't done for 2 1/2 weeks) and heading back to work for the first time since the diagnosis day, I started feeling a little uncomfortable. I soon realized that it was just because Brian wasn't there. I got it together and moved on with the day.

Before I knew it, I had talked to several of my doctors, and my surgery was scheduled for tomorrow morning at 7:15. I was NOT prepared for it to happen so quickly, but I see this as a blessing. I've been praying that we could move forward and start making strides in treatment.

Here is what I learned today, after talking to 2 different doctors: They were both in complete and total agreement that an oophorectomy is necessary. One of my wise doctors said, "Lindsey, you really don't have a choice. There really isn't anything to negotiate." However, they both feel that it is important that we focus on the cancer now, and the ovaries later. So, we are prioritizing, and taking care of the tumors first. Then, we'll deal with that hurdle as soon as I've completed treatment.

Even though this is not an ideal situation, it was a relief. Not so much in the final decision but in the fact that these doctors removed the gray area for me. They gave it to me in black and white, which was precisely what I needed.

I can't help but sit here in our new man cave tonight and think about how very blessed I am. I have four big 'ole dogs passed out on the floor and a wonderful husband getting cookies out of the oven. He surprised me with a little pre-surgery treat! And, the biggest blessing of all is the Spirit of the Living God hovering over me. I can feel His presence so clearly and evidently. It's a beautiful thing.

I think that the Lord has put it on my heart that I need to be much more urgent and deliberate in sharing with others about Him. I can't care about how weird I seem or how offensive I might be. I can only care about the Lord in me, and that's it.

26 comments:

*K said...

I'm not sure how it's possibly to have a hero that you've never met, but I think it is and you are mine. I am completely overcome with God's amazing power as he works in your life. Sending many, many prayers your way!

"FAITH is being sure of what YOU HOPE for and certain of what YOU do not see" Hebrews 11:1

Sarah said...

I cannot in any way fathom how difficult this whole "re-diagnosis" is for you. Yet you consistently remind & point me to the God I love through your trial. You did it the 1st time you beat cancer & you're doing it again. I can clearly see God at work in you & your marriage & the fact that you are so vulnerable & authentic is a blessing to all of your readers. My prayer for you as you go into surgery tomorrow & for all the days that lie ahead is Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love HIM & are called according to HIS purpose." May God's peace rest on you tonight as you relax with your dogs, your husband, & those warm cookies out of the oven! Blessings from TN.

Sandy said...

We're praying for you and Brian, Lindsey. Love you.

Scott and Katie Dietrich said...

God luck to you tomorrow. My prayers are with you!
thelifeandtimesofkatiescott(.)blogspot(.)com

The Skaggs said...

Love you sweet friend! Entering the throne room on your behalf.

Meagan said...

I'm praying that everything goes great tomorrow! you are so strong! I'm inspired by your faith...Go Team Jesus!!!

Jill said...

Lifting you up in prayer. You are an amazing, strong woman.

courtney.davis said...

Your faith and strength are such a testament to how amazing our God is. And when you feel at your weakest he will shine through you. Know that their are many people (a good number I'm sure you have never met and may never meet) praying for you.

podso said...

How wonderfully God works, to have the doctors you trust so decisive about what had to be done and then getting on with it. And what a great husband you have ---pre surgery cookies? !! Will be praying for you tomorrow. Keep your eyes UP.

Dana said...

Thanks for the follow-up. I've been thinking about you and praying for you all day.

wfinke said...

Praying for you Lindsey!! Let me know how it goes! I'm so grateful that God provided a very clear answer for you.

Leslie said...

Praise the Lord for clear-cut direction! Will be praying for a smooth, uneventful surgery tomorrow!

one of nettie's girls said...

We serve an amazing God, don't we? I am praying for you as you have surgery tomorrow. And, adding a prayer of thanksgiving that He designed it so that you have the most amazing husband by your side.

erinkern said...

Praying, dear friend. Thank you for sharing, and for reminding us to be urgent in our own walk with the Lord. Praying.

Leslie said...

I will be praying for you! I love how God answers so specifically and confirmed your decision this morning!

sw206 said...

I am praying for you. I know that God is using and will continue to use you to accomplish His purpose. Thanks for sharing your walk with Him. It is an encouragement to me.

Amanda Williams said...

Lindsey, I feel the same way *K does.......have never met you and found your blog through another, but I am very touched and inspired by you and your faith in the Lord. Will be praying for you today!

Julie said...

I have been reading your blog for a while, but never commented. After reading your posts for the last couple of weeks yesterday (lots of catching up!) I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts.

I talked to my husband about your dilemma (as of Sunday) and you cannot believe how much we both felt for you, as if we knew you. Please know you are in our thoughts and hope all turns out well. Thank you for being so honest!

Kate Southall Berg said...

Praying for you. You are an amazing testimony of God's peace.

Brandi said...

Good luck with the surgery. My prayers are with you and your husband during this time.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and Brian today
Tressa

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being the vessel through which God is glorified.
p.s. As a social worker I know ton of kids who'd love to be your child... when the time comes. God and all of creation would rejoice at such a family.

Allison said...

It's amazing to me that you are such an inspiration to me, and I don't even know you. Thank you for being so raw and so honest. Whoever reads this can see God's reflection in you, and that is so lovely.

My favorite Bible verse is Isaiah 41:1, which says, "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." It's always been such a comfort to me in anything. I hope it brings you comfort too and reminds you that He is our ultimate Comforter and Healer! :)

We will be sending up prayers from Missouri for you, your family, your sweet husband, your friends, and your doctors.

SweDaisy said...

Oh Lindsey, I've been out of the blog world for a few weeks. I just read about the cancer coming back. I cried a little for you. You and Brian are in my prayers. I've been reading your blog since you were first diagnosed. I hope all goes well with the surgery. Like I tell my husband "We may not understand why things happen to us, but God has a plan and we must have faith in Him."

You are both in my prayers
Take Care,
Lisa

Amey said...

I found your blog through another one and never commented before. Wow, you are a strong, loving, thoughtful, passionate woman who has fought so much and I am positive you can do it again! Praying surgery and recovery go smoothly and your fight stays strong!

Alabamamom said...

I'm so thankful for the clear direction the Lord gave to you. He is so faithful. I'm also thankful that the surgery went well. I'll continue to pray for complete healing and peace.