Well, in many ways, today brought some closure for me. And, I don't believe that it is a coincidence, at all, but rather that it is the result of so many prayer warriors lifting up my specific burdens to the Lord. There is power in praying specifically. Don't ever let someone convince you otherwise. They are wrong, and I don't mind if you tell them that I said so :)
This morning was a strange one. I wasn't anticipating a difficult day, but it happened. For 2 1/2 weeks, I have had my precious husband by my side constantly. We've been inseparable, and when I would start losing my cool or worrying too much, Brian has been quick to get me back on track. I'm comfortable with him and I know that I can be truly authentic with him. That's a treasure that I hold very dear.
Well, this morning, as I was driving alone in my car (which I haven't done for 2 1/2 weeks) and heading back to work for the first time since the diagnosis day, I started feeling a little uncomfortable. I soon realized that it was just because Brian wasn't there. I got it together and moved on with the day.
Before I knew it, I had talked to several of my doctors, and my surgery was scheduled for tomorrow morning at 7:15. I was NOT prepared for it to happen so quickly, but I see this as a blessing. I've been praying that we could move forward and start making strides in treatment.
Here is what I learned today, after talking to 2 different doctors: They were both in complete and total agreement that an oophorectomy is necessary. One of my wise doctors said, "Lindsey, you really don't have a choice. There really isn't anything to negotiate." However, they both feel that it is important that we focus on the cancer now, and the ovaries later. So, we are prioritizing, and taking care of the tumors first. Then, we'll deal with that hurdle as soon as I've completed treatment.
Even though this is not an ideal situation, it was a relief. Not so much in the final decision but in the fact that these doctors removed the gray area for me. They gave it to me in black and white, which was precisely what I needed.
I can't help but sit here in our new man cave tonight and think about how very blessed I am. I have four big 'ole dogs passed out on the floor and a wonderful husband getting cookies out of the oven. He surprised me with a little pre-surgery treat! And, the biggest blessing of all is the Spirit of the Living God hovering over me. I can feel His presence so clearly and evidently. It's a beautiful thing.
I think that the Lord has put it on my heart that I need to be much more urgent and deliberate in sharing with others about Him. I can't care about how weird I seem or how offensive I might be. I can only care about the Lord in me, and that's it.