This morning started off with a bright and early, 7 o' clock appointment with the radiation oncologist. Brian and I did our best to drag ourselves out of bed at an insanely early hour, in order to get there on time.
We walked in, filled in some paperwork, and waited our turn to see the doctor. After a few short minutes of waiting, the doctor came in and began his spiel.
I'm going to be very honest when I tell you that I have had some major reservations about radiation. It is not a benign treatment, meaning it comes with many long-term side effects, especially for someone with reconstructed breasts (sorry for the bluntness).
It was all that I could do to get through the appointment. Thank goodness for Brian. I could feel my eyes starting to sting with tears a few times, as the doctor went through the possible side effects, but having Brian with me made it much more doable. To some doctors, I am just another day at the office, but to me, well, this is my life.
As soon as he left the room, the former stings in my eyes became full blown tears, and I felt so angry at the whole situation. See, I am not joyful always.
All along, I have been praying for the Lord to make His perfect treatment for me abundantly clear to both me and Brian and my doctors. Y'all, right now it's not clear. I need the Holy Spirit's guidance on us like it has never been before. We want to feel peaceful about treatment, and we know that only comes from God.
So, can you please pray that God would hover over us, that He would make His way evident. Pray that He would hold us and keep us in perfect peace because our eyes are so focused on Him and His glory and work. Pray that our faith would not be shaken, but that we would rest in the knowledge that He is guiding us. May He be glorified!