Monday, January 11, 2010

Fear or Faith, What's it Gonna Be?

Last night, as I crawled into bed and snuggled under the covers, I exhaled a long sigh of relief. "Stressed?" Brian questioned.

"No. Relieved." I responded.

"What? Why are you relieved?" he asked.

I went on to tell Brian that all along, this thing has seemed so much more about a spiritual battle than a medical one. Have you ever felt that you were under spiritual attack? That's how I feel. It's a feeling of total oppression.

The thing that keeps coming to mind is this:

When trials arise, we have two choices. We can either cower in fear or stand firm in our faith. There is no gray area in this matter. It's either one or the other.

I don't say all of this to make you think that I'm just totally walking in blind faith at every turn of events. That couldn't be farther from the truth. And, in fact, for several days last week, I was cowered in fear, panicked at the diagnosis.

Thankfully, because of the Lord's mercy and willingness to hear the cries of His children, He has equipped me with faith tonight. My future is no less secure today than it was a month ago. The Lord is the Author and the Finisher.

So, for me, it's going to be faith - all the way. I have faith that this is for God's glory, and not for any other reason. My prayer is just that we would make much of Him as we endure.



16 comments:

Erin said...

I agree--no grey area on this one. And I sometimes think it takes more energy to have faith than fear. So here's to some rest and rejuvination coming your way soon!

Tanya said...

I was in tears reading your posts, realizing that your cancer had returned (I used to read your blog but haven't had time for much blog reading for awhile!).

You have humbled me this morning and your faith has inspired me. As I sit here with my new baby, worrying about silly little things, I read your words and am humbled as I realized that God is here with me and you and nothing is too big or small for Him!

I will be praying hard for you. God bless you and your husband as you travel this path.

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

What a testimony. Wow.

I read that you are looking at cancer fighting foods. I have an article you might be interested in reading from a magazine to which I subscribe.

http://www.naturalhealthmag.com/health/275

I know every case is different, but I thought her story might be an encouragement to you, and might give you some ideas. I'd love to hear what you think about it.

Praying for you.

~Kathryn
www.markandkathrynjohnson.blogspot.com

PS - this verse really helps me when I am struggling with fear. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26

Whitney said...

When I think of great people of faith, I think of you. Every time. You continue to inspire and encourage through your trial. Love you.

Emilyc said...

I just read about you on Whitney's blog and stopped by for a visit. I am going to pray for you. God is a God of miracles and I know he has His hand on your situation and He will be with you always.

Anonymous said...

I just read about you on Whitney's blog as well...I cannot understand what you are going through (physically, emotionally and spiritually) but know that I, as a sister in Christ, will be praying for you.

Katy and Chris said...

Also just headed over from Whitney's. I know friends have found this verse comforting in their battles:

I Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

You seem to be a woman of such amazing faith, strength, and resolve. My prayers are with you for the fight ahead.

Sandy said...

You're right on Sweet Niece. Things good or bad happen in the Spiritual realm before they happen in the physical. We live in two realms a spiritual and a physical. The spiritual is the more powerful but we think the physical is. Love you.

Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

Following from Glamwife's blog. You'll be in my prayers!

Liz said...

You don't know me at all...but wanted to let you know that I will be saying a prayer for you today, all day long. May the Lord bless you in a mighty way and may you always feel His presence as He walks with you through this fire.

Kelly said...

I kept seeing this "pleasant drive" blog on other people's blog lists, but never knew who you were. Now I know you are a super sweet friend to Whitney and a sister in Christ. I just said a prayer for you. Blessings!

Kelly

Sheridith - mom to peeps said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and am so inspired!! What a beautiful & strong woman you are. I am praying for a complete recovery for you but I marvel at the peace you have found in Christs message to you!!

Graceandjoelroberts said...

Hi, Just found your blog through Whitney's. You are truly an inspiration and I will continue to pray for complete healing. I'm honored to read your blog!

Jennifer said...

I like how you said that there his no gray area between fear and faith - that it's one or the other.

Your perspective amidst your own trials feels humbling. You are in my prayers.

JSchrumpf said...

Reading over your posts gave me chills....I love your words and wording. It gave me peace and I wasn't even looking....God loves his children, He loves you and He loves Brian. He is with you and He will keep you...keep trusting...keep believing He is right there!

Romi said...

I have been following you for a while. I have been silent in the comment portion of your blog even though I look at your site weekly. I am awed and humbled by your unwavering faith. You have inspired me through your trials and have given us more than you are asking for from all of us. - Our Prayers - Simply put...I will pray for you and your husband. I have shared your story with friends and they are praying for you too. You are such an inspiration and it is a pleasure to have found you through the blogging world.