"No. Relieved." I responded.
"What? Why are you relieved?" he asked.
I went on to tell Brian that all along, this thing has seemed so much more about a spiritual battle than a medical one. Have you ever felt that you were under spiritual attack? That's how I feel. It's a feeling of total oppression.
The thing that keeps coming to mind is this:
When trials arise, we have two choices. We can either cower in fear or stand firm in our faith. There is no gray area in this matter. It's either one or the other.
I don't say all of this to make you think that I'm just totally walking in blind faith at every turn of events. That couldn't be farther from the truth. And, in fact, for several days last week, I was cowered in fear, panicked at the diagnosis.
Thankfully, because of the Lord's mercy and willingness to hear the cries of His children, He has equipped me with faith tonight. My future is no less secure today than it was a month ago. The Lord is the Author and the Finisher.
So, for me, it's going to be faith - all the way. I have faith that this is for God's glory, and not for any other reason. My prayer is just that we would make much of Him as we endure.