Sunday, January 3, 2010

Authenticity

More than anything in the world, I appreciate authenticity. Regardless of whether it's good news, bad news, or simply just news, I feel that being real and genuine is an important quality. I look for friends who are authentic. I try to have conversations that are authentic. I just really see no value in trite displays of flattery.

So, today I feel the need to be authentic. This is not to say that I think it's good to be an over-sharer. To me, that is just as tacky as being fake. I'm hard to please, aren't I?

Well, it would be inauthentic of me to simply plod along on this blog, through this trial, and not let my faithful readers in on the real me. You know, what's going on in my heart.

The last 24 hours or so have been difficult. I have wrestled back and forth with an important medical decision. I have researched until I'm blue in the face and my eyes are ready to pop out of my head.

Here's the issue, and please pardon me if you deem this as over-sharing:

In the last week or so, it has become obvious that my body is back to producing the hormones that were clearly shut down by chemotherapy a little over a year ago. To most of you, this probably sounds like a good thing, right? Most minds would be thinking, "Oh yay! Her body is returning to normalcy after chemo." And, for many reasons, this is a good thing. And, it does mean that my body seems to be right back on track. Praise God!

But, there is one minor glitch. The cancer that seems to grow well in my body is estrogen/progesterone positive. In a nutshell, this means that it is fed and nourished by these hormones.

For several days, Brian and I have been pretty final on the decision for me to have an oophorectomy (ovaries removed). Of course, this obviously means that my infertility would be permanent. So, you know the implications of that.

For months now, we've been prepared to trust the Lord with a family.

Then, yesterday I began reading up on some reputable breast cancer research studies about oophorectomies and their side effects for young women. They aren't good, people.

There are some other drugs that are possible treatments, but none of them come without side effects. This topic is enormously controversial in the medical community, and thus there is no cut and dry solution.

So, this has been my burden for the past several days.

I would appreciate your specific prayer for a decision that will bring God glory and peace for Brian and I. Pray that the Lord will bring about total and complete health for my body, and that he would guide us to the decision that will provide for this.

Thank you.

17 comments:

k_stin said...

Gosh--it is all so scary, especially when you are dealing with reproductive health and your future. And I think it is hard as a young woman with the future still in front of you. I will pray for your healing and also for God's wisdom to make the right decision.

Sandy said...

I love authenticity too and couldn't agree more. If it's not authentic then why bother to even speak? Thank you dear one for sharing. We are praying.

Whitney said...

What a huge decision. When do you need to make the final call? I'm praying right along with you. Thanks for sharing specifics.

podso said...

What a tough time for you two. You've had a lot to deal with but even through your blog I see how God is using you and growing you. I believe God designed your body perfectly for you and I believe HE can and will lead you as to your best decision.

Seems so many are struggling with fertility issues even without an apparent medical reason. As an adoptive mom, I don't give another thought to the fact that my kids did not come from me. God exquisitely prepared two wonderful baby boys (now young men) to be our kids and I never once looked back and regretted the path we had in life. Praying God will lead you one step at a time and give you wisdom, and much, much peace.

Leslie said...

Wow. I had no idea the decision was so complicated. Praying for reliable sources of information, clarity, discernment, and peace once that decision is made.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you.

Katie said...

We will definitely pray for you here. I will pray that amidst the complexity of the decision and weighing the pros and cons, that God would give you and Brian peace through clarity. Thank you so much for sharing this.

one of nettie's girls said...

Your willingness to be transparent through all of this has been one of the things that keeps me coming back to read. You have shared so honestly with us and, speaking as one who doesn't know you personally, I feel privileged to be part of that group that is praying for you. Please know that your name will be going up every day from my home.

mckenziegordon said...

Speaking from the perspective of dealing with infertility issues that are unrelated to any other medical issue it sucks and is really, really hard! But the Lord is faithful and He is able to provide a family through other means. We are in the beginning stages of adopting ourselves and it is equally exciting and wonderful, in most of the same ways. Praying for both of you and your future family.

Jana said...

I love you and I'm praying for you. God has a plan for you, and He's had it all along. What you need is to be guided toward this particular decision with peace, comfort, and certainty. I am praying, and I know He will provide that for you.

Alabamamom said...

I'll be praying for the Lord to give both of you wisdom and peace. I had a complete vaginal hysterectomy a year and a half ago. I know that I'm old enough to be your mother but I do know what the side effects of the surgery are like. Thank you for sharing this difficult decision so we can pray specifically about this.

Leslie said...

I will be praying for these specific things, but mostly that His best way will be illuminated to you. I love these and will be praying them over you..."Those who know your name will trust in you for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek you" Psalm 9:10, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel and watch over you." Psalm 32:7 and "you will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you" Isaiah 26:3. I appreciate your authenticity as well...you encourage my faith. Praying...

erinkern said...

I echo the others: prayers going out for you to have clarity, peace, health and hope. Thank you for sharing here.

melle said...

I do not know the answers, but I do know that I will continue to pray. Thank you for sharing what you just did because now I am able to pray more specifically for you and Brian. You are a special person and I'm so sad you are going through these hard times. I do know that you have taught a lot of people so much about trusting and surviving.

In my prayers,
mel

Julie Adams said...

It seems cliche and like I'm in a pile, but I'll respond anyway... I hope I provide some authenticity in your life though I am not there within a few miles to talk every day... Lindsey, if it comes down to making a decision where you cannot reproduce - It's okay... You can adopt, you can even freeze eggs for a surrogate these days... My mother had to have a hysterectomy at 33 so I remember the effects, but it saved her life... and I must say - I am the PERFECT only child :)... We will all pray and I will most of all pray that you hear what God needs for you and Brian to do at this time...

Anonymous said...

I continue to keep you and your husband in my prayers...your tremendous faith in God is so inspiring to me across the miles.

I know God will lead you to the decision that is best for you and your husband. God Bless.

Sweet Simplicity said...

I will definitely pray for those specific things. What a huge, tough, scary decision.