Monday, October 13, 2008

In the words of my husband ...

Brian was interviewed about his experience as the husband of a breast cancer patient by (He'll be the feature post this Friday, 10/17 - check it out there). After he finished the interview, I was overwhelmed with pride as I read his answers. Just read on to find out for yourself what a true support I have in Brian! (And, no names or answers were changed or edited for the purposes of this interview.)

1. What were your first thoughts when you found out your wife was diagnosed with breast cancer?
It was a very surreal moment when Lindsey called me with the news that she had breast cancer. From the onset, when she first discovered the lump, the thought of breast cancer never really crossed my mind. I encouraged her to have it checked out but never expected it to be anything more than a little bump. When the words “I have cancer” came out of her mouth I kept thinking to my self she is only 25, we have been married less than three months this can’t be true. I commute an hour to work every day and that drive home those three words kept playing over in my head the whole way. It was a long drive that day!

2. How has it changed your life?
Being a newlywed of three and a half months my life had really been about adjustments and planning for the future. Lindsey and I were talking about selling our current house and upgrading to something that we both really wanted and a house we would want to bring a child home to someday (– no kids right now!). We were talking about five and ten year financial and career plans. We are both goal-oriented people and have things that we aspire to achieve. (I wanted to retire early and she has hopes of a career as a writer someday)
When the diagnosis of cancer was introduced into our life it put a giant “road block” on our 5 and 10 year road map. (Lindsey has affectionately dubbed it our little “road block”). Our priorities have obviously shifted now. Not only is our priority now, getting Lindsey through this disease, we also want to be an example to other people who are or could be facing the same thing. Cancer is not aware of your age, it does not care if you are a newly-married couple with plans of a fairy tale life on the horizon, and the bottom line is it can happen to anyone at anytime. We have shifted our priorities to fight cancer, and when she is cured, and we are beyond this point we will begin again for the dreams on our horizon.

3. What brings you hope and courage during the rough times?
My faith in Jesus Christ brings me hope on a daily basis. Lindsey and I have both agreed that if our adversity can be an example of faith to even one person then it is worth what we have and will go through.
John 11:4 states,” When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
Stories of Jesus healing the sick and performing miracles occur many times throughout the New Testament, so what makes this one different from any of the others?
The next verse tells the difference. John 11:5 - "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus."
Jesus loved Lazarus very much. He and his sisters were very close friends. The Lord allowed this trial happen to the ones that he loved knowing what the outcome would be. It says SO THAT God’s Son may be glorified through it. The people around Lazarus would never have known of God’s glory, or heard the name of Jesus had it not been for Lazarus’ sickness and the miracle preformed because of it.
I say all of this because what brings me hope and courage is the knowledge that my Savior's glory is made even bigger through trails such as this. I know that Lindsey will be cured and that our life will continue together, but, I believe that it is the rough times in life that our character and faith is put to the test and I consider it a pure joy (James 1:2-4) to face this hand-in-hand with my wife and Our Savior leading the way.

4. Did you want to know everything? (about the cancer, her status, etc.)
Of course I want to know every little detail. I want to know because in order to make the best possible treatment decisions and to map out everything it is important to gather all the facts.
That, and I kinda have to by default, when we do anything there is a crowd of family breathing down our necks wanting to know every detail of everything that is going on. It is good to know that we are so loved by so many but it can be overwhelming at times!

5. What advice do you have for cancer spouses and caregivers?
The best advice that I can give is always always be ready to put a smile on their face. Cancer can be a tremendously intense experience, and overbearing to someone that is going through it. If you can be there to take the weight off even for a few minutes by putting a smile on your spouses’ face it can go a long long way. Telling jokes, making my self look stupid for some reason, and just spending time with Lindsey has been great for the both of us. Nothing makes me feel better than when I see a smile on her face.

6. How has it changed the relationship between you and your wife?
Being a newlywed of three months, I never thought that I would know my wife on such an intimate level so soon. Normally at this stage, I was sure that the biggest relational issues would be trying to figure out which side of the bed to sleep on, or squeezing the toothpaste out of the tube the wrong way. Surely, she would not be aware of all my little peccadillos, and heading for the hills. :)
With cancer now a part of our relationship it has, in all honesty, helped me view my wife in a whole new perspective. This disease has exposed both of us to the core. Sitting on the sideline and watching her go through this is the ultimate test of my faith. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat, but, the sickening truth I have to face is that I can’t. However, I can stand with her and hold her hand through the whole thing. Being with her and seeing her handle this with such boldness and faith has given me a love for her that I could never put into words.

7. Have you had any other past experiences with cancer in a loved one?
Yes, unfortunately this is not an uncommon experience for me. Both of my grandfathers, my aunt (mom’s sister) and my mother have been diagnosed with some form of cancer.
My mother and her sister have both had spots of skin cancer removed from their bodies. My dad's dad was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in 2001 and unfortunately passed away about two years later.
My mom’s dad was diagnosed with grade three colon cancer in the summer of 1996. He had a large part of his colon removed and intense chemo treatment there after to control the spreading of his cancer. I am happy to say that he has been cancer free now for the better part of 12 years. He recently went in for a check up and is cancer free and doing great.

8. Anything else you would like to share?
Nope. I think I have covered it all. If you read this and want to know more about us check out Lindsey’s blogspot.


Amy said...


Lindsey, Brian sounds like good people to me.:)

What a blessing you both are and will continue to be to so many. God is shining through both of you!

In Christ,

Bee said...

Oh Lindsey. I am so glad you have your husband. This is very moving. I can see why you love him so much. But then again, I can see why he loves you so much, too.

You're still in my prayers and will continue to be until you beat this thing.

Bee said...

Lindsey, I just went to, and Patti lives a few miles from me. Is she a relative or friend of yours?

Unknown said...

What a wonderful husband! I know that his support and love have been such a blessing to you! I am so thankful that you have a godly husband to go through this with. :)

Whitney said...

Praise the Lord for your Godly, wonderful husband. I love it, Lindsey, and I love him! He is the perfect fit for you, and he has made that even more evident over the past few months. I thank Jesus for bringing him to you at such PERFECT TIMING! It really does blow me away.

podso said...

It's obvious God is already using this in your life and you in others' lives through what you are going through! You've got a wonderful, insightful husband!

Julie Adams Gray said...

I have something crazy to tell you. My Dad says the hardest thing about marriage is the very small things... like toothpaste! He said exactly what Brian said about toothpaste! It's knowing those small details about one another that build up to big details.

Thanks for saying I have beautiful friends. Lindsey, don't you know I am a princess and am beautiful myself?!! Remember you are in some of those group photos so that makes you just as beautiful!!!

Sweetbabs said...

Wow!! I can only imagine what your life must be like. Newly married and going through such a life and death situation. Your husband is truly there for you when most men would have ran away. You are very luck in that respect. If only all the husband in the world could take lessons him. I know he could teach my hubby a thing or two. I am not very religious but you will be in my thoughts.

Weeksie50 said...

What a great Husband you have.. God knew you would face this and he knew who you would need by your side..

What a blessing you both are..

Crystal said...

Brian seems like such a great husband! Having a husband like that is wonderful isn't it? :-) I can only imagine going through such a life changing event as newlyweds. If you two can get through this, you can get through anything together!

Liz said...

What a wonderful husband!


Unknown said...

How wonderful to have a husband who is so terrific. Thanks for sharing this. I hope your recovery is going well.

Anonymous said...

Aww how sweet - some of his answers gave me chiils! Sounds like you have a wonderful husband - what a blessing!

Anonymous said...

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Lindsey said...

Wow! Brian sounds like a great guy and I'm so glad you have him. What an awesome marriage God has blessed you with!

melissa ellen parker said...

Lindsey -

You made the right decision marrying that man. As if you didn't already know, right? I'm proud of him and he's not even my husband. I swear - I've had so many tear filled eyes reading your blog. You amaze me. I know you will both get through this - your faith and strength are such inspiration.

Big hugs dear friend!

AngiDe said...

Hey Lindsey, just wanted to let you know that the address you have is wrong its:




Unknown said...

Wow! This interview is touching! I'm glad that you have such a loving husband beside you as you battle cancer. You will both be in my prayers!

Sweet Simplicity said...

What a great husband! You have definitely been blessed with a great man!

Michele said...

Oh Lindsey ~ Your husband is wonderful! This was very moving..thank you for sharing it with us.


Alabamamom said...

God is so good. You both are so blessed to have each other. The Lord is using the testimony of you both indiviually, but especially as a couple walking through this fire. I appreciate the honesty and perspective that both of you bring. Brian's interview will have far reaching effects for the kingdom. Praying!

Jennifer @ Mom Spotted said...

It shows true love to me. A hardship proves you strong. My hubby and I lost our home to a fire and everything in it after 3 months of marriage (of course we had 2 babies and been together since teenage years) but still....if the hard stuff doesn't break you YOU WILL SURVIVE through everything. Including this. Best of luck!

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